I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
