I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
