ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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