if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize