You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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