My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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