Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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