I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
