So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
