I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
