Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
