dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
