i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
