I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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