My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
