We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
