Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
