I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
