But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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