somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize