Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
