I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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