I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
