i don't like sucking hair
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
