I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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