a search helicopter?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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