when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize