no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
