I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
