I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
