so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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