Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She bit a glass in half.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
