i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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