my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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