So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
