i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
COCAINE IS GR8
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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