I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
