Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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