ADVERTISEMENT

• (224): View more from Illinois

  Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays

  Fav 19 7288 941

  share tweet
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Fav 150 15143 3805

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

  Fav 6 1805 3665

  share tweet
  

• (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

  Fav 10 3645 1305

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....

  Fav 6 3657 1643

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead

  Fav 8 2768 719

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (817): View more from Texas

  Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.

  Fav 6 1324 776

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there

  Fav 5 950 669

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.

  Fav 7 633 1130

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.

  Fav 4 708 617

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.

  Fav 2 884 574

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.

  Fav 2 1241 493

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.

  Fav 0 723 571

  share tweet
  

• (211): View more from

  I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America

  Fav 0 44 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix

  Fav 0 47 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize