Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.