oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
