So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.