You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski