I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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