sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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