I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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