oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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