Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
