I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
