Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
