Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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