I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
