Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
