so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
