AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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