I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
