i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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