You made me cry and you don't even care
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
