College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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