why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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