Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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