Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
