i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
