I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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