Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
