sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
