Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
