have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
