we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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