dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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