Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
